Weekly feature by: Tony Roberts

1. Read all past copies of our publication. Write a 1000-word essay on the one you found most meaningful, including at least 55 footnotes.

2. Write a short biography (less than 15 words) including your mother’s maiden name, your country of origin, and the past six sexual relationships you’ve had. Be sure to write this in the first person plural.

3. Use Times New Roman font, double-spaced, justified, title in italics, 1-inch margins, black ink, on a dot-matrix printer.

4. Our submission period is from February 27 – February 29. Any work that comes in early or late will be thrown upon an ash heap where it will never be discovered again.

5. We charge a reading fee of $37 for the first submission and an additional $55 for each succeeding transmission. In return, should you be published, we will cut your piece out of our publication and send it in an 8 ½ x 11 envelope, pay on delivery.

6. You must submit unpublished work. No material previously shared in print, blogs, Facebook, e-mails, or with friends and family, including those within your immediate household will be considered.

7. We want to develop an exclusive, on-going relationship with our authors. All rights to your work, past, present, and future, will be the sole property of this publication.

8. Our response time is 1-2 years. Don’t contact us; we’ll contact you.

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