Don Yeltin

Critique and illustration by: Chris Talbot-Heindl

It should probably come as no surprise that what purports to be “news” these days falls flat on its face for me.

In the best of times, news outlets unwittingly skew the actual truth in an attempt to seem neutral and unbiased. At the worst of times, they are openly owned by big business and corporations and seek to air the types of news that are beneficial to their benefactors.

We, as a nation of watchers, have also become so superficial and uninterested, that news outlets have delivered more and more sensationalized bullshit under the guise of news. For instance, did you see that god awful excuse for journalism about Jessica Eaves praying to all mighty Jesus for her wallet back? The garbage story goes a little something like this: Jessica Eaves was shopping and a man stole her wallet. Like anyone would naturally do, Ms. Eaves recalled a scripture from Luke, “which basically says, ‘If someone should take your cloak, you should give them your shirt as well.’”

In totally going against that passage entirely because of a clear misunderstanding of the English language, Ms. Eaves didn’t give the thief her scarf or anything else, she gave him a choice to give back the wallet and she would pay for his groceries or she would call the police. Um…excuse me Ms. Eaves, you should just have paid for his damned groceries and let him keep the wallet. Luke clearly said…oh, never mind.

Huffington Post ran the story (minus my little rendition about what the passage from Luke actually said) as a news story. Yup, that was in the damned paper.

Ms. Eaves’ story, while it may be inspiring for Christians who also don’t quite understand the concept of the English language, is not news.  It is sensationalism. It would be like me writing about something my cat did that I found particularly endearing. It enhances no one’s knowledge of anything relevant to anyone. Ergo, not fucking news.

Do you know which media outlets seem to be doing a better job of capturing and reporting on the news lately? Comedians.

Ask anyone who is actually current and engaged in today’s news, and chances are, they got their information from a comedic source and then checked for verification without putting much credence in the “news” outlet’s take.

Not just that, but it seems as if comedians can get the whole truth and nothing but better than so-called journalists.

With the amount of extremely bigoted representatives popping up in the political arena these days, one would think it would be easy to get the skinny on what their full reaching paradigm is, and how horribly crazy it might be. And yet, it took Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show,” to get the inside scoop during a racist interview with Don Yelton.

The GOP precinct chair showed his hand, the GOP’s goals with voter ID laws, and was eventually asked to resign due to the truthiness getting powers of “The Daily Show.” On the show, Don Yeltin was interviewed on North Carolina’s new voter ID requirements and he basically began to spout a bunch of bigoted gibberish, just like you imagined he would, but would never see on any broadcast news.

The goal was to hurt Democrats he said, “The law is going to kick the Democrats in the butt.” He continued to explain how and what kinds of people it would hurt, “If it hurts a bunch of college kids too lazy to get up off their bohonkas and go get a photo ID, so be it. If it hurts the whites, so be it. If it hurts a bunch of lazy blacks that want the government to give them everything, so be it.”

After the interview, he went on to blast the political correctness line he was accused of crossing and blasted fellow Republicans for not owning up to the true reasons that they propose voter ID laws. “They’re a bunch of chickens,” he said, “I’m embarrassed for the fact that they don’t stand up and fight for what’s right.”

So, there you have it. The news, from the  horse’s mouth, with no spin from the “No Spin Zone” claiming Fox News or the indignant liberals from MSNBC, or the owned broadcast stations.

The truthiness is out there. And it’s where you would least expect it. It’s in comedy.

War is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength. Comedy is news.