Weekly feature by: Laura Fairgrieve

Mr. Reagan, I think you’re really right,
Detente is for sissies, and we all know
that you got money where your mouth is
you’ll annihilate them all.

You see, I’ve watched Star Wars, so I know
what this whole cold mess is all about
I could spot a sith lord a mile away and let me tell you
stick a hood on old Khrushchev and he’s a dead ringer for,
a truly twisted twin of, yep- Darth Sidious
he’ll harness that blue light and gun us all down
with the lightning I know he’s got under his sleeve.

Mr. President I’m aces at ducking for cover
they ain’t throwing any people, and neither are we
with no one pointing the gun, how bad could it
be, no guys means no aim so
I’m under my desk in a flash when
the warning bells ring
I’ll outlive any crappy bomb they could throw
Just watch —
I’ll boil a can of beans on a radioactive flare.

I know how things go when the Evil Empire is
blowing some steam, shooting its mouth off
so since after all,
In God We Trust
I dusted off Dad’s old bible, checked it over real good
for instructions on how to bat against ballistics
how to build us the best electric fence, and shoot
off a missile or two, for you know, defense
and I swear God said it, Mr. Reagan you’ve got it —
lick them good, right, before they lick you.


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